the stories left behind

"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance,
baffle them with gobbledygook." - Wendy Clark

Part II

They groan and I acknowledge both nothing and lack thereof; I nudge the steel door open with my shoulder slowly, and instantly entertained the idea of perhaps joining a gym/health-club-type thing when I returned home; I considered this because a ten-year old had pushed this door open earlier with her pinky finger and I felt weak and trapped within wacky hot Ville. But when I stepped into the night air, all was the same opposite. Two weeks went by in twenty seconds. I opened my eyes outside of every heavy, tedious door which I would ever open. I lost and let go of it all – before I know I had ever gained it of kept any of it all – I was thinking my thoughts were on you baby. While it was that my thoughts of you were in me; I was surrounded magnificently and I wandered my soul as I possible encircled my self.

Could have melted – right there – in this sweltering ocean of humidity, this heavy evening atmosphere seemed, at the moment, that this twilight is what I know; all of my life broken and rebuilt: mended, tailored, and hemmed. My sore eye’s sight fell towards the now and I accepted this unfamiliar paradox of being in this place, simultaneously wishing I was anywhere else but here, and I was so beside myself that I was within it all – all of the epic epiphanies which I could summon to stomach, ingest, digest; I felt this territory was mine, maybe because you had instilled such insight: within me, without me, about me.

Sometimes I wonder if others mind so much mental chaos as I; I wonder if they possess it, repress it, admit it, avoid it; of it their heads aren’t as mindful as mine. I think that I think too much, too rapidly, too randomly, too unsequentially, and at times I wish I didn’t. But after chaotically analyzing these matters, happily I realize I would not change a thing. Hell, I likely -can’t- change a thing.

Today begins the rest of your life, so get some rest.

 

Who said the English language was ambiguous?

For What You're Worth....

 

Recently employed (finally), I am still procrastinating answering the persistant ringing of the Call to Arms; answer the battle cry for a new sense of well-being.

 

Allieviated, in a sense, that I had not been converted to any religious sect, nor had I devoted myself to any one cause lately, being laid off and taking life seriously, because life is no laughing matter, there are consequences, and the wrong path is often a dirt road in desguise and you sink or swim.

 

A few years back, I suddenly surrendered to my new silent detachment from a hundred thousand apathetic defeated hopes of balance and mental equillibrium; even after watching myself stretch out further than the edges of my brain tissue, specifically the mirror was tired of looking at me and I was obsessed with trying to find the right reflection anyway, I wish I knew someone who could tell me - or hoping someone would explain it to me because years of oscillating had turning my soul into a circle and I wanted to jut out in a linear fashion but I also didn't want you and my friends and family to think I was further away and thus have a special meeting on my behalf.

Rituals

 

Writing was never a form of aphormism, but somewhere on the way down, I changed my mind. I didn't know what I was expecting to happen and I am not sure I have ever felt the desire to entertain the thought, but life looks different on the side of the living.

I surely wrote furiously, went to work, paraphrased, got hammered, and happily repeated the words to my new song, the same one that would make me a millionare, the same one that made you cry, the same one that was full of all the lies I wrote to cover up what was really going on - I was done reasoning with everyone and this was not the time to question me about my inspiration. When you finally stop to think about it, no one is safe and the innocent are all dead and there is no good idea that won't fade away, and expectations are varied morsels of hope which we crawl on the floor and the dirt on our hands proves how hard it is to look for our prey.

 

I stepped out of the warm shower sweating and wishing I was anywhere but here. I dripped dry and stared into my eyes in the mirror for almost an hour, enjoying every random thought of a seasoned nihilistic vigilante, but a skeptical optimist, a self-informant of a blind alley, and I was sweating for days.

 

You never look in the mirror and you can barely stand up. What have you got to lose? Come on, baby, what is the worst thing that could happen? Eh?


Knowledge is Power by W. Clark ©2006

"For this discussion, kids, please take notes. Yes, in your notebook. Preferably in your English notebook. No, not your journal. No Billy, not your - hey! I am speaking! Okay. Listen up, guys.... Guys! Okay. Okay! Take out your journal - and write the - - what? Please don't speak when I am speaking! I do not have a .7 lead, sorry. No, you can't go to the restroom right now... the pencil sharpener is next to my computer. No, Susie, not true. I don't know why we have an assembly. All right. So - take your journals out and open them.... Shhh-sorry guys, I mean your NOTEBOOKS... yes, I mean no, I am going to explain that in just a sec - Kelly! Where are you going? Okay. Let me take attendance. Oh, go see if they have a band-aid in the front office... well... um... are you kidding? Sorry. The front office is located at the front of the school... yes....those doors that go to the outside of the school....okay, but only one of you may go, no. No more chocolate. No, but we will watch a movie if we get through the chapter, perhaps next week. Page 427. Open your books, y'all. Today is the 17th. It's not? Sorry. Today is the 1st? That is funny, Joe; hey why don't you go talk to the Dean on that cell phone, buddy. Now. Um... Um, I think we will just have to have a quiz on the notes we haven't taken. Yes. In fact, that is almost "ironic," Steve! Wow! Nice application of figurative language! So where was I? Okay. Why do you think that this chapter is so important? Did you just say in deep s- - t? If I can't swear, then neither can you. So on page 427 of your textbook - yes, I have extras in the side cabinet, next to the pencil sharpener, right where you put them during detention yesterday. No, the other side. Warmer... warmer.... Please raise your hand if you have a question. What? Page 427. I will write it on the board... GUYS! Quit throwing crap! Now, Rachel, please turn on the overhead projector, and the heading of your notes should be Chapter 5, Language and Thought. Page 247. Sorry, sorry, what page? Hang on, my book is gone. Okay, who can describe what this chapter is trying to tell us? Page 427, Nick. Language... what is it... okay, you didn't read the chapter did you all...? I think that sports is important but so is reading.... well, "hate" is an insulting way to describe a class, especially when I can hear you... Thanks. Okay. Does anyone know what the title suggests about the association between "language" and "thought"? Did you read? Yes, I did mention it yesterday and it was on the board, right where I always write your homework, eh? Nicely done. Thank you for changing the page number up there. That is just classic humor. If you are the criminal, pat yourself on the back for that one. Great. Super-duper. The stapler? Please don't shoot staples at her! PUT MY STAPLER BACK!
"We will wait....
"OKAY!!! Barry! Thank you for your input! Excellent: please listen to what Barry has to - those staples are expensive; yes, someone could lose an eye.... well - okay, then...
"Now please listen to what Barry has to say about this chapter, which is a major component of life and human nature, and no Barry, you can't go to the bathroom... I am starting to get angry... why is my overhead missing? Of course. Yes, it was just there. FINE! GO TO THE BATHROOM! WASH YOUR HANDS, BARRY! The pencil sharpener is over there. Okay. Does anyone have any clue what this chapter is about? Beth? Sammy? Um, okay then. Look at the title. What kinds of clues do you get? Just share a book then. I think they cost $60 dollars... Please, for the love of all - pull up your pants, Tim! TIM! Talk to me after school!
We have rules here because we love you. Alright... Settle down! Argh! Okay... baseball players - get the notes from someone because you may use your notes on the quiz tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday. Sorry, I mean Monday. I forgot to collect your journals... no, if it's in your locker you may bring it to me tomorrow... Sorry, Monday. Remember how you should have a table of contents in your English notebook? Yes, we have been doing that since the beginning of the semester. You have to learn some more responsibility! No, I am not in a bad mood... wait.... Yes I am beginning to get angry. Put your IPod away! No cell phones! I will give you the rest of class time to read, no! Do you actually think you deserve to watch a movie? No, I haven't seen that one. Oh! Does that have Mathew what's-his-name? No, I don't think he's cute...
"Why did Kevin leave? I'm not sure if he is actually on the baseball team. Did they say varsity or JV? What's so funny? What is that thing? Hey! Is Tina okay? Tina? Why are you crying? No, I am so sorry that your dog died last night, sweetie...
"HILARIOUS! Tina, that was not cool. Mind your manners. What? Oh, I forgot. On your feet, guys! Time for prayer...."
"Let's just have a few moments of silence in our hearts and minds. Jim, please wake Lisa up... Don't hit people on the head with your book, Jim! What is the matter with you, today? Is it a full moon? Okay. SILENCE! Thank you. Jill. Jill, please read from the top of page 1427. JILL! Anthony? READ! Thank you, Steve. Well, the "gh" in the word "thought" is silent. No, you don't have to write that down. Well, sure, write it down if you can't remember that... stop throwing skittles? Let me see... Yes, I will. Here is my book. I can go from memory. So write down the title of the chapter in your notebook, yes, my loose-leaf paper is on the shelf where it has always been. No, I don't have .5 lead either. What are you eating? That will make you sick. Of course, I am sure. No I have not but I am pretty sure that I know the difference between toxic and - hmmmm. Shannon ? Sure, I would love for you to read... Whose phone is ringing? Sit down! Well, tell your dad NOT to call you during school hours! Jill? Jill! Get your book from your locker if it is that unpleasant to share! I am out of hall passes - just hurry up...
"Page 427... NO! I won't write the page on the board. Never mind. Do you all just want to copy the chapter for homework? That's what I thought. Proceed, Shannon . Thanks.
"Simmer down! Single file out the door for fire drills! No, you will have to use the bathroom afterwards... please don't use that as a weapon, Kirk...
"PLEASE READ THE CHAPTER TONIGHT!!!"